Internship Crisis!

This is a thing that, I realized, happens to me every now and then during an internship. It happens shortly after half the internship is over; You are not new in the job anymore, you know a lot and are doing the daily operation like every normal worker. You don't learn so much and often no new stuff every day as you did in the beginning, your responsibilities stop growing and you seem to be coming to a stalemate.

Often this goes together with a small argument or discussion, where your discussion partner, who often doesn't even work with you and is mostly from a different department, does not treat you with the respect (you think) you deserve. Often this is a personal problem, since you often over evaluate your own position, but still it is annoying, when people do not value your work (mostly, because they can't since you are not working together and they are not seeing your development and good you became in your job) and basically put you down since and especially because you are "just a trainee".

The point is, that they are mostly right; you are just a trainee, which shows on the one hand on you pay check (if you get one at all) and even more in the fact that you simply do not have the same responsibilities; if you screw something up, you will not be held responsible for it!

The problem is, you want to feel responsible, you want to be in charge, you want to get paid properly for what you are doing. Due to the low payment (as I said, if you receive salary at all) you are not really able to do something or buy something nice for yourself. You don't get all the benefit, all fixed employees receive, since you are anyways not staying long enough in the company, that study trips or similar things would create future value for the company; but stuck (and maybe a little bit frustrated) as you are you don't see, that the value and benefits you receive during your internship are not the monetary ones (or the nice trips you get paid by the suppliers or your own company), but the knowledge and the work experience. 

Often however, this is not enough! As I wrote, you want to feel responsible and you want to be in charge and you want these things to go on growing throughout your internship. My problem right now is, that - and I am honest - feel useless! It might sounds bad and I also put it worse, than it is, but I was in charge the last three weeks. I had responsibility and it felt good!

Now, my boss T. is back and my responsibilities were cut back. This does not feel good. Especially if you have proven, that you are (in a way) able to cope with the responsibility, the workload and the challenges connected to the job. It does not feel good, when one person is telling you that you did an excellent job and another person, who does not even have a clue about you as a person or your work performance tells you, how you could even possibly think to be entitled to something like a fixed employee and gives you the feeling, that you are "just a trainee"; Especially if you have proven, that you are not just there for cooking coffee.

I don't know if my requirements are too high or if my expectations of a fair treatment of a trainee are totally exaggerated, but I know, that I don't like to be treated as if I would be stupid and way too demanding. I am devoting myself to this job, I am working on a minimum wage in the most expensive city of Europe 8 hours a day, which doesn't leave me with enough time nor energy to work besides the internship. I am extremely grateful for the few money I get and I am especially for the support my parents give me, I don't think I am complaining too much, I don't moan too much about the fact, that I can not travel around too much and can't afford many things.

Therefore I can not stand it, if somebody, who anyways gets all the time things like breakfasts, lunches, dinners and even whole travels for free, due to the position in the incentive department of the company, criticizes, that I mentioned (more as a joke), that I would also like to go on a free study tour to see the country, since I otherwise can't afford it. I can not stand, that I get then criticized by my boss afterwards for making "everybody" at the lunch table uncomfortable; I am sorry, but I am direct and I tell somebody my opinion in - and this time it was - a nice way. I don't like it, that somebody tells me then, that I should be grateful to get paid at all.

Anyways, work is over now, I am going home and luckily tomorrow is another day and luckily I don't work with people I don't like! I am happy with my position, I am happy with my work, I am happy with my co-workers! It maybe just all came together today! A real mid-internship crisis!

~M